When Meghan Markle said “I’m a hugger” on the not-much-talked-about series Harry and Meghan, for some of us it was the moment everything clunk-clicked into place.
A hugger, or rather a person who says “I’m a hugger” in that “I love animals” way (I do things bigger, I feel things more, I’m a better person), is ruthlessly competitive about their nurturing side. This person does hug, but crucially they want this to be known about themselves because we’re not really talking about hugging here, we’re talking about emotional literacy, empathy and humanity – all the qualities a hugger recognises in themselves and assumes are absent in a more reserved sort of person.
People: if anyone in your presence ever says “I’m a hugger”, run for your life. Seriously. Put down your cup of tea, pretend you have received an urgent text and get the hell out of there because “I’m a hugger” is coming for you.
They’re validated by others being seen to be less huggy than themselves and they will not rest until they have shamed their silly manners, sniggered at the quiet peck on the cheek, pressed handwarmers into the hands of the Grenadier Guardsmen who are forced to stand guard in the cold, and generally assumed the worst of people who don’t behave exactly as they do.
An “I’m a hugger”, like Meghan, will have you round for supper at Kensington Palace where she will be barefoot, wearing her ripped jeans (made a point of telling us), and then afterwards bitch about you being not so much of “a hugger” (in your shoes and tidy top) on a Netflix TV series. Watch out.
The fact is the kind of hugger you are speaks volumes in 2022. Here are a few of the main hugging types…
‘I’m a hugger’ hugger
Identifiable by the closed eyes, scrunch-nosed, clinging intensity of the hug. You saw this person last week and yet you are getting the pulled-from-the-rubble hug, that’s the big clue. You may feel very loved and missed on the receiving end of this one, or you may feel like an “I’m a hugger” accessory, which is much nearer the mark.
Basic brief hugger
Those of us brought up on Star Trek used to greet our close friends with a kiss (one or two), but roughly a decade ago this somehow switched to a brief hug with no kiss at all. At the same time, men who had previously shaken hands started hugging and now some of them are following the lead of King Charles and his sons (back in the day) and giving each other a peck on the cheek. Take that, “I’m a hugger” huggers.
Bear hugger
There are two kinds of bear hugger: the bear hugger to whom it comes naturally and the papa bear hugger. We have nothing against Mike Tindall, but when a man gets proud of his hugging and his wife’s letter to him in the jungle specifically mentions how much the family are missing his papa hugs, there is always a small risk of the hug becoming a knowing special skill and just very slightly creepy.
Barely hugger
Some of the warmest and kindest people we know are barely huggers, but they would grip your hands tight on an aeroplane in a storm; and when there are no words that will do the barely hugger is the one who will really kick in and give you the full straitjacket hug.
Di hugger
A full-on “mum hug” as perfected by Princess Diana. Harry remembers this all-enveloping embrace as being one you couldn’t get out of until she was good and ready and we remember it too, from a different angle.
Stiff hugger
A stiff hugger is probably a bit rigid and will adopt the position of someone trying not to burst a balloon positioned at groin level. We don’t care. We know they are kind to their mother.
Southgate hugger
Unusual amount of hands, either side of the head and around the neck, whispering in ears, maybe a quick break for some eye contact. We’ll miss it.
Team hugger
It’s the all-in pile-on. Maximum contact. Civilians occasionally try it when celebrating England goals but otherwise there’s not much call for it.
Nice dad hugger
We’re thinking about William spontaneously embracing the Lioness captain Leah Williamson. Small note to “I’m a huggers” everywhere: far more effective if it’s not the expected norm.
Bro hugger
This starts with a hand hold that’s drawn into the chest then finished off with a shoulder clasp. It is the kind of hug cool men and wannabe cool men give each other and is virtually compulsory in the film or music business. Prince Harry favours a bro hug these days – just not with his actual bro.
Reunited hugger
Always good hugging on the I’m a Celeb bridge with the fireworks. Hancock’s hug with Gina, which so very nearly included a hand on bum (unbelievable) was not one of the best.
Strictly hugger
Strictly Come Dancing has overdone hugging to the point where it feels like we need to find another way of expressing genuine mutual affection and appreciation in 2023. Jazz hands?
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